Juggling a business, crazy hours and a patchy marriage? Separate beds might sound odd, but they could be your relationship’s saviour, say sleep and divorce experts
I remember the moment I clocked as a child that my grandparents had separate bedrooms. I came to the conclusion that Grandpa must have snored too loudly. Or perhaps sleeping apart was just what people from their generation did like in the TV show “I Love Lucy”, where Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz slept in twin beds even though they were married in real life.
Back in the golden years of Hollywood, it was once a matter of social protocol for married characters to sleep in separate beds. However, in hindsight, my grandparents were always well-rested and happy folk.
Now it seems they may have been onto something, according to UK divorce expert Mark Keenan, who says sleeping in separate beds or what he calls ‘sleep divorce’ can save marriages.
Sleep divorce: A smart move for busy couples?
If it can save your run-of-the-mill marriage, it could be the saving grace for households with freelancers and startup owners who often find work and life a blur and keep odd hours and fret into the night.
Building a business takes over everything, even close relationships. Should those building a business or keeping one afloat consider suggesting sleeping in separate beds or rooms from their long-suffering partner?
Keenan from Divorce-Online says many think separate beds mean marriage trouble. But he says it’s often the opposite. Couples who sleep well are happier, more patient, and communicate better. Data from the National Bed Federation shows that nearly one in six (15%) UK couples who live together sleep apart. A large 89% have separate rooms. Keenan notes ‘sleep divorce’ is becoming more common.
How work stress kills sleep and relationships
Freelancing and startups often mean long hours and uncertainty. Late work, early calls, and constant business thoughts disrupt sleep. This lack of sleep can easily cause tension and arguments in the bedroom and beyond.
“Poor sleep leads to grumpiness,” says Keenan. “This makes dealing with conflict harder.” Not sleeping well can hurt your relationship and cause unnecessary stress.
For example, what if one partner, say a freelance designer, was accustomed to working late, while her partner and a startup founder, had to make early international calls? Their shared bed and mismatched sleeping needs could become a nightly struggle. Tiredness could easily make them irritable and make it a struggle to connect and support each other.
Many couples suffer in silence over sleep issues. Talking and finding solutions that suit both is vital, even if it means sleeping apart.
Mark Keenan, UK divorce expert
The surprising benefits of sleeping apart
Sleeping separately means better sleep. No more snoring, different schedules, restless legs kicking you in the night or tossing and turning. Keenan says this leads to fewer arguments about sleep. Being well-rested also improves health, helping couples cope with demanding work lives.
“Many couples suffer in silence over sleep issues,” Keenan points out. “Talking and finding solutions that suit both is vital, even if it means sleeping apart.”
National Bed Federation data shows that over half (56%) who slept separately found their sleep much better. Keenan believes this shows how important it is to deal with everyday issues affecting a relationship’s base.
“Well-rested couples often have better relationships,” Keenan states. “If sleeping separately helps achieve that, couples shouldn’t worry what it means.”
Sleeping apart can mean less physical closeness. Bedtime chats, which help bonding, might also disappear. But Keenan reassures that this isn’t the end of intimacy.
“Those sleeping separately should make time for intimacy and connection,” advises Keenan. “The bedroom isn’t the only place for closeness. Couples need to find special moments together elsewhere.”
For busy freelancers and startup owners, planning quality time outside the bedroom might become more important and appreciated.
Keenan suggests trying separate beds as a trial. “Try it for about a month and see how it affects your sleep and your relationship.”
“What matters is finding what works for you and your partner,” he says. Continuing, “If sleeping separately means you’re both happier and healthier when you’re awake together, it’s better than sharing a bed but resenting each other because of sleep problems.”
